Let’s just jump right into it.  Abortion is wrong.  Point- blank – period.  No questions.  No debates.  No Exceptions.  I don’t care what the current law(s) state.  I don’t care what your congregation says.  I don’t care that your church doctrine approves or gives exceptions.  IT”S WRONG (yes I am yelling right now, and I’m not the yelling type)!   It directly goes against one of the ten commandments!  The commandment does not say, “Thou shall not kill, unless…”.  I’m not just pointing fingers either.  I am not standing on a pedestal looking down on anyone thinking that I am “holier than thou”.  I speak with conviction because I’ve done it!  I AM NOT INNOCENT OF THIS SIN AT ALL!  Nor am I proud or boastful for doing it.

Exodus 20:13 13 “You shall not murder.1

I have NOT been perfect or walking with Jesus all of the time.  I know that He sat heavy on my shoulders, talking to me, trying to guide me. I heard Him. But, I was either in utter confusion and frustration, or just completely selfish and disobedient. I am truly blessed that Jesus is so patient with me.  Not all receive the favor that I have had.  I realize that now. There are people in hell right now that have done way less than I have.  And don’t get it twisted- sin is sin.  I can’t say any one sin is worse than the other (only blaspheme of the Holy Spirit comes to mind).  It’s all judged the same. He said do this and you chose to do that instead.  Yes, some sin may be more hurtful or may anger Him more, but sin is sin. Don’t get fooled into thinking, “Oh this is just a little sin, it’s not that bad.  I didn’t kill anyone” etc.

Romans 6:23    23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.2

In regards to this topic I have been a direct offender not once, but twice.  I am holding no bars here because I really want this message to get through.  If I’m not being honest and walking in truth then I’m doing myself a disservice, me sharing part of this and not all of this would be a shame ( a half truth is a whole lie) and God would NOT be pleased.  All I want to do is glorify his name.  All I want to do is have someone, if only one person learn from my life lessons, be able to relate to what I’m expressing, and to have that person repent and seek God.  We take so many things for granted. We are so blatantly disobedient and disrespectful.  We cannot bend His rules. How have we allowed our minds to be so disillusioned into thinking that abortion is okay? I want to give facts but the truth is all abortions are not reported.  I’m just isolating this down to the United States.  All abortions are NOT reported.  Performing a quick search?  I can only find solid data from 2011.  I can’t get even semi accurate numbers for 2015 let alone 2016.  But let’s roll with the data I do have from 2011. In 2011. in the U.S. alone, 1.6 million abortions were reportedly performed.  Let that sink in. 1.6 million,  which was down from 2008 which had numbers at 1.21 million.  Is it sinking in yet? The homicide rate in 2011 for the U.S. was estimated to be around 14,610.  Yet the abortion rate was 1.6 million?!?  Ladies we have to do better.  Someone has to answer for this.  You will have to answer for this!  That number does not represent any other country besides the U.S.!  That number does not represent decades.  That number (which is actually lower than it really is, not all abortions are accurately reported) represents ONE YEAR!  It saddens me to think about the angels that have to carry these babies back to God.  Whatever reason you have it’s not reason enough.  The devil is crafty. Don’t disillusioned and loose your salvation.  Abortion murder plain and simple.  Get angry.  I want you to get angry.  I want you to get in your feelings and I want you to think.  I want you to see. My reasoning for my two abortions are irrelevant, but I will share.  I’m not alone, and I was wrong so I want you to get on that straight and narrow path with me now.

James 2:11     11 For he who said, “You shall not commit adultery,” also said, “You shall not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.3

In 1993 I was raped. I wasn’t promiscuous, I didn’t lead this person on and I wasn’t in a relationship with this person. I met up with the person just to talk and mingle and this person had other thoughts in mind. I was against the act 100%.  I tried to fight, but was no match and it happened.  I’d managed to get raped, loose my virginity, and get pregnant all in one slam dunk.  I was ashamed.  I was humiliated.  I had no one to share what had happen to me with.  I did my best to pretend like everything was okay and like it never happened.  I just wanted to forget that it ever happened. Fast forward two months.  I start getting sick, not feeling well – passing out for no reason.  So, I asked my Dad to schedule a doctor’s appointment for me.  I get there and I get asked numerous questions and they decide to give me a pregnancy test (I never said I was sexually active) along with other test.  So, just as all of these results are in my Dad decides to come in the room with me.  He was concerned, as he should have been. But, just as he came in, the doctor came in and said, “Congratulations your pregnant!”.  I just remembered waking up with the doctor, nurses and my Dad standing over me.  I had passed out, again.  But this time not from weakness, but from total horror and disbelief. Then came by Dad yelling (he wasn’t a yeller) and the doctor and nursing playing 21 questions after taking closer examination of my patient record.  At that time?  That was the worst day of my life.  The humiliation didn’t end there. Humiliation because no one believed me. When I said that I’d been raped no one believed me. When Dad and I arrived at my Mom’s job the accusations continued. And my Mom has no couth when she’s angry. So every one and their mama knew my business or what they thought was my business at Metro Tech Aviation Career Center that day. It was just a very embarrassing and hurtful day.  After that time within that period I’ve literally blacked out of my mind.  Only key details have stuck.  One being the shunning I received from my immediate family.  I was less than human to them. Like regular conversations?  Nope.  I could ask something simple like, “Hey, I’m still a little hungry, can I get some more food?  I see we still have some left…” And the replies would be, “No. And you wouldn’t be hungry if you weren’t pregnant. You’ve had enough. Get out of my face.”  I didn’t know what do with that.  I cried about it.  That didn’t help.  Another detail that stuck was the doctor saying I had options. Keep the baby, give it up for adoption, or have an abortion.  I was hands down going with option 3.  No doubt in my mind.  I needed this nightmare to end expeditiously. I didn’t want the baby.  I didn’t really know or even remotely like the guy who’d raped me.  I had a boyfriend (well a guy I was going steady with, my friend that just so happened to be a boy, a boy that I just so happened to really like).  I didn’t want to have people looking at me or talking down to me for another 7 months.  I didn’t want anything growing inside of me.  I didn’t want to spend time with this thing growing inside of me, stretching my insides, have a life or death birth and then give it away.  It was too much I just couldn’t.  Just no.  Definitely option 3.  I remember confiding in my steady.  Surprisingly? He listened to me. Really listened to me.  He believed me and he didn’t judge me.  And if I didn’t love him before?  I definitely loved him then and I always will (He was always a great friend to me. A perfect gentleman and called me every year after that, on my birthday at midnight. Even after he’d moved away. He was still consistent and I never forgot that) .  Another detail I remember was being at the abortion clinic.  Both of my parents were there.  They legally had to be there.  I remember walking in the clinic and being in shock.  There were so many girls there.  So many that looked to be my age. It was scary.  I remember them calling my name and shoving a booklet of pages at me to fill out.  I remember getting to the last page  and there being a reference to something to the affect of, “By signing you agree that you understand that this procedure may result in your death “.  I lost my mind! It was too much I started crying, and I said never-mind, I’ll just keep it and give it away, I shouldn’t have to die for it.  I mean I went in.  Dad, was like fine, I don’t care, not my responsibility it’s yours lets go.  Mom was like, be sure, it’s your choice, but it’s standard writing, don’t change your mind because you’re scared etc.  So here I was at eleven years old making a very hard and strong decision.  But I made it.  I owned it.  I was confused and frustrated, but I made the choice.  I had the final call and I signed my name. And I still didn’t receive any sympathy.  As I was being prepped the doctor and anesthesiologist asked me if I wanted to be awake or asleep for the procedure.  Of course I said asleep. But, they were rude and said things like are you sure because you can stay away and watch us suck the fetus out, and we can show it to you.  At that point I’d had it.  I was angry and hurt, and I just started snapping back.  Next think I knew I was waking up in a recovery bed 20 minutes later. Done. Said I would NEVER put myself in a position to have to go through that ever again.  I said in the future all of my babies would be made from love and I’d keep every single one of them.  I promised God and I thanked him for letting me live through the procedure.  Now, I know what you’re thinking Roe vs. Wade!  A woman has a right to make that choice!  Right? You were only eleven years old! Right?  You were just a child!  Right? The truth of the matter is yes, I was only eleven years old, but it doesn’t change the facts.  I was old enough to know right from wrong.  Meaning I knew it murder was wrong period. Meaning I knew right from wrong.  So my reasoning (and rape sure does sound like a good reason, my adolescence sure does sound like a good reason) doesn’t negate that fact that I killed a life and that I was in direct disobedience to God’s law. My excuses didn’t and don’t matter.  My circumstance didn’t matter.  Life is a gift.  God is the creator of life and he makes no mistakes.  A lot of the time God has a bigger plan that you can’t see.  A lot of the time, things that you chose to do wasn’t in line with His plan thus leading to the position your in.  In any case God is always there and he can always get His plans back on track if you seek Him, obey Him, and follow His lead.

Psalm 127:3   3 Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.4

Psalm 139:13-16    13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.5
I am about to jump all over the place here, so just bare with me and follow along.  Life is life, period.  Young, old or somewhere in between, Life is life.  God is the creator of life.  Life is a gift, a precious gift taken for granted.  Life is suppose to happen with a union.  A union between a man and a woman (husband and wife). Birth control isn’t needed if we follow His law.  You wouldn’t need birth control because you would be having unprotected sex with anyone that wasn’t your spouse.  Follow me, don’t get lost here. Abortion is now being used as a form of birth control.  It rolls by another name now as well called Plan B.  Don’t be fooled Plan B is not a contraceptive.  It’s meant to abort a fetus after conception. You’re not walking with God if you think abortion is okay.  The devil helps you swallow these lies, telling you its okay because you were raped, it’s okay because it was incest, it’s okay because of medical reasons.  Let me stop there.  Medical reasons. Fast forward 2013.  Let me tell you the medical field has a lot of evil in it.  Stay with me, don’t get lost and linger on a word.  I said “has a lot of evil in it”.  I didn’t say all medical fields/personnel were evil.  Keep up, I’m talking fast, but I’m trying to make a point. Fast forward 2013.  I’m pregnant with my latest addition.  I’m super happy because I’m actually ready for this one.  Financially stable, old enough to really understand the responsibility and just over-joyed at the fact that I may still yet, get my lil man of the house. Anyway my pediatrician was off the scales over the top awesome sauce! Think of Dan Connor from the show Rosanne and you have my pediatrician. He was attentive and just as excited as we were. However he had some concerns because I had developed Obstetric Cholestatsis ( I had never heard of it either, but it’s painful and itchy) and referred me to a Specialist upstairs from his office.  He warned us, now he may say somethings wrong and give you a run down of options, but don’t be alarmed, and don’t worry about it.  I just want to make sure the babies not in immediate danger.  So, we shrug it off, and say sure, we’ll go see a specialist we want to make sure my lil man of the house is okay anyway. The day comes for our appointment and first blow is I find out I am NOT getting a lil man of the house, but I am in fact getting another stinky ‘ol girl (sighs).  Second, blow is this doctor goes from 0 to 60 in 3/4’s of a second!  We get through the ultra-sound and he immediately has us huddled up in his office talking about genetics and genes not blending, and somethings wrong with the baby, he recommends abortion a a valid option, because there’s a high-risk of me dying during childbirth etc, etc, etc.  Man, the devil is real!  I was speaking to one of his representatives.  The more we said no, the more he said yes.  We literally had to walk out.  Of course we jumped Mr. Dr. Connor Replica Pediatrician, and he said, “That’s why I warned you.  He does that to a lot of my patients. But he has the best sonogram equipment, that has way more details than what I have down here.  So, what are we having, I told you I thought a girl, but I wasn’t too sure, but I knew he’d be able to see for sure!”  – I know I went off left field a bit, but I want to really get it out there that God is always there.  Jesus is always talking to you.  Listen, be a believer and stand up for Him and He will stand up for you (we had a beautiful little girl, with a normal , vaginal, uncomplicated delivery).

Now remember, I said I didn’t commit this sin once, but twice.  In 2005 I lost my Dad suddenly.  It was expected, but not that soon. We’d discovered he had terminal stage IV lung cancer from Mesothelioma in December of 2004 and he passed March 7, 2005. This was a huge life changing event for me.  I had just turned 23 and my Daddy was gone.  I was a Daddy’s girl for sure. He was my movie partner (even though he frequently went to sleep in the theater) my fishing buddy, my joke/prankster partner, my foodie friend (we loved to eat together) my protector, overall just my Daddy. Did we always agree? No.  When we argued we really argued (well I really argued, he wasn’t argumentative, just say it a soft tone and keep it moving, but firm none the less). Was he there for me when I really, really, really needed him? Yes.  Did he teach me a lot? Yes.  Did he have a lot more to teach me?  I though so. Was he missed? Immensely.  When he passed Mah and I didn’t have time to think.  I learned a hard lesson that year; death has a tendency to bring out the worst in people.  I won’t get into it, because that’s not what this post is about, but  just know that we couldn’t get rest, we had no peace, like people were attacking left and right all over what? Money.  But again not this post.  Just setting the scene. Chaos, it was very chaotic.

Not soon after my Daddy was buried, I went to the doctor.  I wasn’t feeling well, and I didn’t know if I was coming down with something, or what, but I went from not being able to sleep (stress) to no being able to stay awake (during classes or at work). Long story short?  I get the congratulations speech all over again. Except for this time I’m a 23 year old single (never married) mother to a four year old. The guy I was “casually” dating was from another state (we would see each other once or twice a month) and I had never envisioned him as my future husband, and definitely not a baby daddy.  Plus, I just wasn’t feeling it.  Why now?  Why after my Daddy had passed. It seemed like a bad consolation prize.  Plus, the stress was still very real, we are now at this point going through legal proceedings.  It was too much. Stress, single mom, looking after my Mah, not in a relationship I see going anywhere (not that I minded, I never dubbed it as a “serious” relationship), going to school full-time (on the deans honor-roll), working part-time, not including my club activities and obligations. To me it was a no brainier,  I can’t have this baby.  But, I was open to hearing what casual boyfriend thought, his opinion mattered, and he was in the same boat as me, except he was a single dad (divorced) working full-time, and absolutely didn’t want anymore kids.  He was good with the one he had.  So, we were on one accord, no go on the baby business (Fellas don’t be confused, you are held accountable as well.  There are no passes here).

Romans 14:12  12 So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.6

But then I remembered my promise. And I had long conversations with Jesus about it. I cried, and I prayed, and I cried and I prayed some more.  I think I entertained conversation with Him for about two weeks (I say entertain because I stopped listening when I didn’t hear what I wanted to hear). I knew my decision was wrong.  I knew it 100% and I owned it.  I took a huge chance, and huge gamble that I would be okay, make it through the procedure and try to make it right from there. People if I had died in my sin?!?

Matthew 4:7    7 Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.7

I’m tell you God favor’s me. Blatantly disrespectful, boldly disobedient. Not everyone has second opportunities to seek forgiveness. I believe he knew my heart though.  He knew I would come to Him. He still had a plan for me, but I’d have to listen.  He knew then, that my story would help someone now.  I didn’t know that then.  Don’t get caught up in yourselves.

John 14:15    15 “If you love me, keep my commands.8

John 8:44     44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.9

This life here on earth is but temporary.  Once you take your last breath you have an eternity to worry about.  You don’t want to hear Jesus say, “I do not know you”.  You do not want God to say, “Your name is not registered with me.”.  I am so glad that I really, really get now.  I want you to really, really, get it too!  God loves you.  This is true, but if you’re not of Him? If you are not 100% on His side, glorifying his name, doing what he ask you to do, you’re going to spend an eternity in hell. Constant torment.  Forever, replaying the what if’s, begging to a God you didn’t bother to listen to or get to know– That will not hear you! I just can’t imagine FOREVER being like that.  I want to be eternally joyful!  I want to have long talks with my Father.  I want to embrace my savior Jesus Christ, and kiss his feet for my salvation! He loves us more than any of us could ever imagine.  He have himself for us, even for those of us who weren’t even a thought to our ancestors yet.  That is amazing and selfless.  A love truer than any love imaginable and I want to bask in that forever, and I want you to bask in that forever.  You can’t do that killing God’s creations.  Repent!  Ask for forgiveness, and be humble when you do so.  Seek the Lord and you will find Him.

Revelation 21:8  8 But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”10

  1. (KJV)Exodus 20:13 13 Thou shalt not kill.
  2. (KJV)Romans 6:23  23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
  3. (KJV)James 2:11 11 For he that said, Do not commit adultery, said also, Do not kill. Now if thou commit no adultery, yet if thou kill, thou art become a transgressor of the law.
  4. (KJV)Psalm 127:3  Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
  5. (KJV)Psalm 139:13-16  13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
  6. (KJV)Romans 14:12 12 So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.
  7. (KJV)Matthew 4:7 Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.
  8. (KJV)John 14:15  15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
  9. (KJV)John 8:44  44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.
  10. (KJV)Revelation 21:8  But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

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